Meagen If I Disappear by Eliza Jane Brazier is a mystery thriller that is set in Northern California. In this wild, backcountry setting Sera sets out to investigate the disappearance of Rachel, a true crime podcast host that she’s never met.
The story follows Sera’s journey as she tries to retrace Rachel’s steps but finds herself essentially living Rachel’s life on the family ranch. Sera takes a job working with Rachel’s family as she investigates secretly (and not so secretly at times).
Along the way we learn more about Sera’s journey before she came to be obsessed with Rachel’s true crime podcast and other social media channels. She is divorced, miscarried a child, and struggling with her own demons; the hunt for Rachel seems to be as much of an escape as a calling.
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Let’s break it down and see if this mystery thriller is a good fit for you…or that ever growing TBR (to be read) pile on your shelf!
What is If I Disappear by Eliza Jane Brazier about?
As I mentioned above, If I Disappear is a thriller/mystery that follows Sera’s journey as she tries to find out what happened to Rachel, another young woman, who suddenly stopped posting podcast episodes.
Sera is sure that Rachel was giving her clues through the podcast all this time and she sets out to find justice for a “friend” that she’s never met. Along the way she ends up more or less stepping into Rachel’s life. She is working on the family ranch by day and working to solve Rachel’s disappearance by night.
Before Sera became obsessed with Rachel and her podcast, she was barely hanging on to a life, her marriage crumbles after a miscarriage and it seems at times like she can’t decide if she’s come to the ranch to disappear herself or to find Rachel.
In the end a lot of people are dead, a baby is born, and Sera’s life will never look the same again. The twists and turns in If I Disappear are as dizzying as the winding roads that carry Sera north to the back country of California to begin her search, better grab a Dramamine folks, this one is wild.
What did you love about this book?
I loved Eliza Jane Brazier’s writing! I’ve never read anything she’s written so this was a first for me.
The characters are what really make If I Disappear suspenseful. There’s not a moment in the book where you are completely sure of any of the characters. Thrillers are not my main read so this might be a common thread…if so just ignore my surprise 😉
Plot wise, I liked the story. I like true crime podcasts and I can see how easily someone could slip into an obsession with a particular host. Sera seems to think she has a relationship with Rachel and it’s interesting because Podcasts give that air of intimacy.
When it’s just one host and you are listening to these episodes constantly, over and over, until you know them by heart…it’s like being inside someone’s head. That aspect really adds to the creep factor and creates more uncertainty.
I loved that I was sucked in right from the beginning. This is a contemporary setting so there’s no world building to slug through so that you can enjoy the rest of the book, and Sera is really compelling so it was easy to just fall into this one!
What did you not love about this book?
There’s nothing about this book that I despised per say. I wasn’t necessarily thrilled with the ending. It wraps up fine and there’s nothing to fear (apart from the obvious), it’s a great read and the ending doesn’t spoil anything.
I feel like I needed that preface because I don’t want to shy you away from reading If I Disappear, because it’s worth the read. The ending is kind of open. In a way it makes me happy because we are seeing one of the characters really step into a new chapter of their life but in other ways it felt a little rushed and either unnecessary or unfinished.
Aside from that my only gripe is the poor animals in this book take a beating. There’s neglected dogs, murdered cats, horses fighting out their pecking order. It was a lot of animals I wanted to hug and give treats…and take to the vet and the groomer! HA. But that’s probably because I’m more inclined towards animals than people to begin with 😉
Overall opinions of If I Disappear:
If I Disappear was an excellent read. I was up until 3:30 AM finishing it last night because once I got to the 3/4 mark I really couldn’t put it down. The entire book is action packed and I was drawn in from the very start, but beware of tired eyes if you dive in after halfway and need to sleep!
I really enjoyed Sera’s journey, I think she’s relatable in a lot of ways and will speak to a wide variety of readers. In the last year I’m sure more of us have fallen down the true crime podcast hole as well so that’s a really relatable thread in the story.
The book handles some seriously deep/dark stuff but in a way that isn’t quite as terrifying as what’s going on in the story. It was actually kind of refreshing to be able to glance at those feelings (loss, depression, anxiety, wanting to just fade away) and not have them be the most terrifying thing in the room.
I also really enjoyed that everyone in this book is dealing with something. We’ve got Jed battling with drinking, Sera dealing with so much loss, anger, depression, and anxiety, Addy and Emmett are all over the board. It’s not just men making bad choices and women overcoming, as in real-life, it’s never that simple.
It was 4 stars for me. A solid read, probably not something I need to re-read, but for a thriller amongst fantasies on my TBR it was really very good!
Where can I buy this book for myself?
I borrowed my copy from my local library! Don’t forget this as a resource if it’s available in your area. Libraries provide much needed community outreach and assistance programs along with giving us free or reduced cost access to media materials! Shoutout to DCLS for being amazing and always making me proud to support 🙂
If you want to buy a copy of this book you can get it from all the major book retailers. I’ll include some links below for you.
You can get the hardcover copy here:
This is the link for the ebook / Kindle version:
If you want to try Audible you can actually get this title for free here:
Kindle Unlimited Membership PlansWhat else has this author written?
After doing some research for this post I realized that the reason I’ve never read anything else by Eliza Jane Brazier is because this is her debut in the thriller/mystery book world!
All the more impressive in that light, it’s a great read and I’ve read plenty of debuts that fall flat. She’s also a screenwriter, she’s currently developing this story for TV so keep an eye out for that!
You can learn more about her here!
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